The text of a talk given at Parklands by Eugene Halliday, Ishval Audio 50.

Track 1

Now I am going to talk about Histolysis and its implications. When you retire from a situation at any level, gross physical, bio-magnetic, psychological, spiritual, when you retire from it, you do so in order to come out of your retirement differently. And for that reason, I retired and really I should not go now, because I have not finished my work, And as you know, when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, it has to go into a state between the two and it mustn’t come out until the work is finished because it might conceivably spoil it. Now, I don’t care about spoiling things and, as David will tell you, I frequently test things to destruction. That is because I am a natural test pilot without owning a plane, so I have to sublimate in other ways.

Now the important thing about histolysis is this, whilst the medical definition of it would mean the dissolution of organic structures, tissues, within an organism, it also has another, much deeper meaning. All the medical fraternity here tonight know perfectly well what medical histolysis is, I might call on my dear friend Arthur Berwitz for a technical definition. Arthur, histolysis please?

I can’t give you one.

Oh good.

You will have to ask someone more enlightened.

You are more enlightened. I will ask Dr Wadsworth then, shall I? Dr Wadsworth, histolysis, what is it?

Generally described as clinical death of tissue.

Death of tissue. Well we will find another etymology for it a little nearer the original base. It actually means the dissolution of the dividing walls, which keep an organism in cellular condition. You know that when you have fertilised an egg, it proceeds to develop itself by putting partitions inside it because if it does not partition itself, it must remain a simple unity, and because of psychosomatic correspondence, it must have a simple, unific brain because it has only got a simple unific body. To become more complicated mentally we must become more complicated physically. So this process of histolysis means that all the cellular divisions which the one egg has made, have to be broken down. You break the wall down inside and the result is that liquefy, you return into a protoplasmic jelly-like substance something like I am like now on the inside and held up only by your imagination. You might think that funny that it is your imagination that is keeping me in being, you see because otherwise have departed.

Now, the important thing is this; we start life, not as a mono-cell in the sea but as an energy field in a cosmic field of energy. Although the biologists, the experts, like David what’s-his-name in “This is Your Life,”


Attenborough, that’s right, yes, although he talks like semi-Darwinians and would have life begin somewhere in the sea long before the seas cooled on Earth, there was humidity in the atmosphere and that humidity was sufficient base, not for life because life is not the form that it makes, life is eternal spirituality; life is intelligence; life is conscious power; life is pure sentient energy, but it makes for itself vehicles, and these we call bodies. But it makes these bodies in anything whatever that becomes formulated.

So, if we were to strip ourselves of all our cellular divisions and of our skins; supposing we did this in the room now, supposing we broke down all our cells internally, break the cell walls down and allow all the protoplasm to run into one colloidal mess, like somebody who has forgotten the soap and left it in the bath too long; (you know what that is like, don’t you, unless you are all well trained and never do that. I do for fun!) Imagine then we also dissolve our skin surfaces and we then all flow onto the floor. Can you imagine all these beings, spread about on the floor as an indeterminate mass, colloidal, like a too wet piece of soap, where would our individualities be then? Would we have any? Well as a rule, don’t wait too long because somebody might offer you an answer to the question you put and then we would have to debate it, so I will carry on. At the protoplasmic level there would be no individuality at all, there would simply be an ocean of vibratory, sentient jelly.

Track 2

What individuality means is something higher than that, and before we come to consider what it is exactly, that is this individuality, I want to consider what it would be really like if we did strip ourselves of our differentiating selves and our skins, and all flow together in one delightful, gelatinous mass, and I put it to you this time, I want a reply from somebody, would you like it?


Why not, it would be very, very matey, nothing could be more intimate could it? It would be more intimate than a sexual relation, wouldn’t it?

You would not know you were in it, would you?

You? You would have to define ‘you’ then, wouldn’t you? The ‘you’ would be the whole mass, wouldn’t it?

The individual would not be aware so in a sense and therefore they could not enjoy it as an individual.

They couldn’t enjoy it as an individual. Well let us say it would be very hard to do so, very difficult

Now let us consider the origin of form. We are going to use the caterpillar into butterfly as an image. That word for soul, psyche, has relations which makes some fellows say really it means butterfly. It was a symbol for the Ancient Greeks, of immortality precisely because that caterpillar died inside a chrysalis and then emerged as a new being; and they said, by analogy, in the same way, a human being might die and then emerge as a new being, able to fly. Now the peculiar relation we have to consider is a three-fold one. There are three stages; a larval stage, a pupal stage, and, if you like it in English, the imago, imahgo, which ever you prefer derived from the same word as image, a perfected formal stage, the third stage.

Now the larval stage is from a word meaning “spectre”, a ghost, related to the Latin’s, lar for a household deity. I want you to think that the larval stage, like the caterpillar, is a primordial appetite, an appetite that has no other function but, in that stage, to stuff itself as much as it possibly can with food to get the energy. It eats in order to get the energy that it needs to make the transition from the appetival larval stage, the caterpillar, through the pupal stage, pupil means one who is to learn, that’s from a base PU, pu, meaning to be able to emerge, to come forth. The pupil, pupa stage, is the stage in which a primordial appetite, which is what we all are if you ignore our cellular divisions, a primordial appetite, is learning how to become a complete, ideated, structured, individuated being.

Now, how can it do this unless there is a pattern? If that gelatinous mess on the carpet, namely our beings, with the cellular divisions removed, if that mass were the ultimate reality, there would be no possibility whatever of it developing into the truly individuated form that, in fact, it can and does become. So therefore there is implicated another level of being, another level above or beyond, transcending, that protoplasmic stage, that colloidal, gelatinous, soft soapy phase. Now this other level takes us immediately into the idea of the eidetic field. Now by eidetic we simply mean a very clearly defined idea structure. We know today, thank God for Einstein, the great populariser, we know that matter is nothing but energy and we know that energy means ‘in work affirming.’ It is not doing nothing, energy cannot do nothing, energy is working. Now if you imagine an infinitely extended energy at work but lacking inertia, that is, simply initiating continuously, repositing itself, imagine energy which is sentient, imagine an infinite field of energy which is sentient, and because it is energy, it is working. Like that Jewish prophet Jesus of Nazareth said, “My Father works and I work.” By his Father he meant this Infinite Field of Sentient Power who is the Father of every creature there is. So it is permissible to say, “My Father” too. If Jesus says, “My Father, say “O.K. and mine too.” And he says, “Good, realise it.” Every prophet has said the same thing.

There is a primordial power source for every being and this primordial power is called, “The Father.” Father is simply the corrupt form of the word made of two parts, “put here,” Pater, pa ter, Pitri, all those fundamental words means, ‘to put here.’ Who put us here? Who put anybody here? Who put any body here? Answer, energy did so, but the energy is sentient, the energy vibrates, there is no non-vibrating energy in the Universe. Wherever science looks, it finds vibratory structures of energy. Imagine that science is deficient today only in one thing; it does not attribute sentience to energy. When it does so it will solve a lot of problems, psychological and somatic. There is an Infinite vibratory field of energy, which, in its vibrations, structures itself, the vibrations interfere with itself.

Track 3

Now, the best image you can have of this is simply to stand with a bowl of water, or you can do it in the bath and dip a finger into it, or slap it or something, and you will see immediately, if you put one finger in, ripples go out from that finger. And they hit the sides of the bath or the bowl and they are reflected back and they intersect. And if you have a light, take a torch, not one connected to the mains please, into the bath with you, and shine it, and you will see shadows on the floor of the bath thrown by the ripples that you make by putting your finger into the water. And dip your finger here and there and watch the shadows and you will see the evidence of a structured field, the evidence of a structured field. There is an infinite field of energy, this energy, necessarily works eternally because energy is by its very nature, a worker, and in its working it is self-stimulating to posit, like a finger dipping in itself, the word ‘finger’ implies an end, a purpose, an aim, established in gross matter

You have probably seen the picture of God creating Adam with His finger, like this, haven’t you? Michelangelo. You have also seen, in medieval manuscripts certainly, a hand coming out of a cloud with its index finger doing this. It is called the Great Interjection. It means, within the Infinite Field of Energy, which constitutes our being, there is initiative. The energy is sentient; the energy puts its own finger into itself. It does it in a very simple way. An Infinite Field of Energy can become initiative simply by contraction. The Field contracts and as it contracts, like that, it makes a point, that point and the driving radial forces into it are the finger. The etymology of ‘finger’ will give it to you; the fin in finger means ‘end’ and again it means ‘earth’, and the R in it means differentiation. A finger means differentiating, finalising, perfecting instrument. The Finger of God is the thing that comes into the field, which is Infinite, from the field positing itself to make a point.

Now all energy structuralizes itself in this way, and what we call protoplasm is not fundamental, it is a structure willed by this energy. The energy itself is basic, Sentient Energy is the Ultimate Substance of Reality, and this energy, by its self-impressing, posits points. It posits an infinity of points because it is terribly fond of individuation because the alternative to individuation is splurging out in Infinity, making no thing whatever. It has this alternative; it can actually undo all its points and lapse into a state in Hindu called pralaya, a laying down of itself into a passive condition, in physics called maximum entropy. Now, imagine that somehow, mysteriously, the ancient priest-kings-scientists, who thought very, very deeply about these things, fabricated for themselves a word to symbolise this initiative. And what was the word? It was the word from which we derive the ‘histo’ as a prefix in histology, which is the study of organic structures. The ‘histo’ and remember we change from Greek to Latin, H into S, the ‘histo’ becomes ‘sisto’ and that ‘sisto’ is the origin of the word ‘existence.’

Now if you look in your dictionaries, if you have still not sold them, to defray expenses, if you look in them you will find that ‘histo’ used as a prefix in histolysis, is said to be a web-like structure of tissue, organic tissues with a web-like structure. But it will then also tell you that at an earlier stage this strange word meant the mast of a ship or the upright beam of a loom. Now that was an exoteric statement by the priests, the upright beam of the loom and the mast of the ship was the phallus, but do not confuse the phallus with the little representative in the time process that men carry about with them, that one is only a very pale miniature reflect of the other. Phallus means, pi-law-lus, means the light of logos reason. The light of logos reason. There are two kinds of reasons, empirical reasons based on your external sense percepts, where you put things together if they are similar and keep them apart if they are different. That is a low kind of reason, a posteriori, the kind that scientists use to make sure that they are sure when they are sure. Another kind of reason they don’t like is a priori reasoning, which is reserved for very, very high philosophies if they stay sober, because it deals with logos. Now remember that word ‘logos’ is a Greek word meaning word and ratio, but not the ratio derived from the examination of external, objective things. Not that ratio, because that is only a ratio of external forms, the kind of thing a form must stay still in order to be measured, in which case you get steam, it is hard to measure, so you put it in a container, cool it and it becomes water and you can then measure the dimensions of the container, but you can’t take the water out of the container and keep its shape unless you first freeze it. Now we have all got fridges in these modern times so we know we can get an ice cube, a definite amount of water and we can measure its cubic capacity so we can actually say we have a definite amount of water frozen in that cube. That is the kind of certainty that physical science is trying to establish for everything, including the human being, and that is the kind of certainty, which leads them into mechanistic behaviourism, because there is something about the human being that eludes this kind of distinction. We cannot freeze the human being; we can freeze its gelatinous, chemically compound protoplasm, yes, we can keep him like that for a certain length of time and then warm him up again, like those necrophilic morgue attendants in America do, and observe he can still function, but when we try to measure a function, we are not dealing with a gross, frozen rigid form at all, we are dealing with energy on the move, and when energy is on the move it becomes an indeterminable. You know that you cannot find out the velocity and the location of a prime particle at the same moment; if you know is velocity, you do not know its position, if you know its position you don’t know its velocity.

Track 4

So here we have a straight condemnation of gross material empirical science in that it has an aim, an aim to reduce everything, including the human being, to the level where everything about it can be reduced to mechanics, and it is called mechanistic behaviourism, because they examine your external behaviour by an external technique and then try to formulate, through various mathematical devices, an explanation that will guarantee that they have the power to predict your activity by the manipulation of a few mathematical equations, because you are a machine. But a machine has frozen parts; it has cogwheels and so on. Now supposing we say well let us refine the machine. Don’t be satisfied with Stephenson’s Rocket, let us modernise, let us start using electronic machinery. Is it machinery in the same sense? Answer, no it is not, because when we get an electrical machine, unfortunately for the gross materialist, for every wire with a current of electricity around it, there is an electro-magnetic field that transcends the limitations of the wire. And these fields actually interfere with each other in a highly indeterminate way, and so subtle so refined are they that there is an inherent impossibility in deciding what they are going to do, because if the experimenter, the scientist himself decides to take part in the experiment, his own organism, which, on his own hypothesis, is an electro-magnetic machine with some bio-chemical undertones, he is interfering with the experiment. So his objectivity disappears. He, the experimenting subjective being is part of his own objective experiment, therefore he cannot win; he cannot reduce the Universe, he cannot reduce living beings, he cannot reduce man to the level of a machine where he can predict it.

Let us go back again to this little prefix ‘histo.’ The second half of the word, lysis, is from a Greek word meaning ‘loose, to loose.’ In the word dissolve and resolve and so on, you have the same base se lu wey, put together, to resolve. Lu, luere, means ‘to pay’ for being loose, to pay for being loose, and the same root means a game as you see in Ludo. There are two kinds behaviour possible. One is loose behaviour and the other is controlled behaviour. Now the loose behaviour, called in the Hindu system ananda, or perfect bliss, infinite ocean of Sentient Power with no restraints, fiddling about to no purpose, no end, no definition, no ultimate goal, just playing around, that is loose, ….. until that little finger comes and posits itself in the middle of it. And remember that finger is nothing but the same energy, which was playing loose, which has decided within itself that loose behaviour is not the only kind of behaviour there is. There is an alternative to loose behaviour, namely, tight behaviour. And with the pair of these behaviours, the tight and loose put together, you have the phenomenon called life. Your blood is free to flow in your arteries. If you have got a strong heart it might even get as far as your capillaries and into your veins and back again If you are not that strong, you’ll probably perish, but wherever there is free flow in your body, it is .permissible to call that lu, but wherever in your body there is something tight, something rigid, something formed like your bones, then you have the antithesis to this luere game. We are all made of loose tightnesses, tight loosenesses.

Now, supposing we examine this in terms of the ancient analysis of it, and say the symbol used by the ancients was the mast of a ship and the beam, vertical, of a loom and by that they meant the phallic power of God, not the tiddling about power of some little fellow trying to seduce a girl, but the actual foundation power of total reality, pha lus, the Logos, the light of reason. Not the outer reason of the empirical scientists, the true reason.

Track 5

Now, we will talk about the true reason a little. The word Logos is made of the same word forwards and backwards. We made log and we made gol. We write log, LOG and then write OL and then between two Ls we have a hard G. Now L means to link, but in a persuasive way, it means to seduce, it means to lead along, by the nose, whereas the gamma, the L is the lamda, the gamma means to get hold of and condense and contract and make a ball of solid matter out of this very same energy. So, if you wrote a lot of Ls to represent a continuum of L, (lllllllllllllllllllllllll) that would correspond with the concept of pralaya in Hinduism, the concept of maximum entropy or folding in of energy of physical science, and the concept of Hell, that is to say, of total inhibition of capacity. There is no hell other than the inhibition of your talents so that you cannot develop, not willed by you but imposed on you. That is Hell, to be impeded, to be frustrated is Hell and there is no other Hell.

Write that word with two Ls and a hard G in the middle, LOG. G, as you know in Geography, means earth, means compaction, gamma means dark, compacted energy, lamda means light, it means playing energy, it means loose, it means free, but these two energies, the lamda and the gamma, constitute this mysterious word, ‘logos,’ which is translated ratio or reason. The ratio of what? Not the ratio of externally, empirically, scientifically determined, physical, material forms, because that is just a question of seeing whether this shape of this elephant’s trunk is similar to another elephant’s trunk, no, the ratio between L and G, the ratio of play energy to compacted energy, this is the logos. Your bones are gamma; your intelligence is lamda. Between your intelligence and your bones there is a hierarchy, a series of grades of relative unfreedom, going down and down to final, total unfreedom, the gamma. They used to mark that with a T in the ancient world to symbolise crucifixion and they made that the last letter of the Hebrew alphabet to consolidate that idea, T. In the beginning alpha, and at the end tau. A, T, put them both together, it means the Cosmic Tree.

Now imagine that we are all, ultimately, intelligence and intelligence is structured Sentience, pure Sentience, pure knowingness of its own structure and utterly without any of the gross heavinesses that we associate with matter so that it can and does, actually, although usually in the middle of the night when you go to sleep, change its mind. We are going to this problem of this change, metamorphosis. in a few moments in relation to our histolysis. The energy can and does change instantly, that is, instant by instant. It does not do it continually because that is an impossible illogicality. All change is jump; all change involves anxiety. The A N G E in change relates to that base root, angst from which you get ‘anxiety.’ Every change in our lives necessarily involves anxiety for this simple reason; when the caterpillar has eaten all the green leaves and stuffed itself with the energy it has to hide itself away from predators during the change. So, it puts itself in a sheath, called chrysalis, and that is from a Greek word, the same word from which we get Croesus, the richest man in the world because it meant ‘gold,’ like the Hebrew word chârûwts ‘haruts’ ( ץ ו ר ה), ‘gold’, because the colour, in general, of the case, the pupa, the learner is hiding to turn from larval stage into imago stage to perfect its form, the colour of that case is golden yellow. I don’t know whether you have examined any butterflies or moths, and such like, but the general colour of most of them is towards that kind of colour.

Track 6

Now it may be that that kind of colour has to do with the way it intends to hide itself in a certain type of environment because they have a technique of disguising themselves by changing colour so that the predators won’t eat them, but I want you to imagine the mere fact, that the caterpillar, when it has eaten all it can eat until it is nearly bursting, comes to a certain period when it says, “I cannot eat any more and now I must have enough energy to make this metamorphosis, this change,” it sleeps. The morph, which is Greek for form, is also the Greek root for sleep, because you must sleep in order to make this change. Now, imagine the caterpillar eats and eats and eats and then it starts to make itself safe. Why does it? It hides under a leaf or it puts itself in a funny coloured thing to merge with the background. It has suspended itself in hidden places. If it did not think there was some danger, why should it bother to hide itself and disguise itself the way it does? Now it knows that it could be eaten, and therefore that period of change is necessarily, a change equals an anxiety period. It must be in a state of tremendous anxiety because some idiot might come and eat it just when it was about to become a butterfly. And you have seen the butterflies, no doubt, even if just on TV, when they first come out of that chrysalis state, their wings are all crumpled and they can’t fly, can they? No, and therefore they could be eaten immediately by a little bird that is a bit hungry.

So this passage I the three-fold life, larval, pupal, imago(imaygo), remember that word, imag, imagine, means ‘I am appetite.’ Think about yourself seriously and ask yourself what characteristic have you retained, as long as you can remember, right back to the beginning of your childhood, to your babyhood if your memory is that good, or even pre-natal if it is that good, what is your basic characteristic? And the answer is not that you were a communist all your life, or a Tory all your life, or a Presbyterian or a Pentecostal Baptist. No. It is not in an idea that you are identical, it is in the one primordial fact that when you were in utero, trying to grow yourself, that when you emerged at birth, screaming and kicking and when you bashed all the other kiddies in their cots around you into silence, appetite was the only mark of your being, primordial appetite and that is the mag in the imago. Primordial appetite, where does it come from? Your mother, it is a ma function and without it you could never become an individual. It is only by the appropriation of reality that you become an individual functioning at life level.

Track 7

Let us look again at this metamorphosis. The morph means form and it means sleep When you go to bed at night you go to sleep but you do not wake up the same person in the morning because, released from the pressure of external sense stimuli, hiding under your blankets, chrysalising yourself, you are actually re-arranging your point of view about the world. It is not the same person that wakes up in the morning that went to sleep the night before, and cannot be.

Let us remember this vertical beam and do that little experiment. You blow air; what happens to the air that was idling when you blow air into air? Does the air that was there stay as it was?

It is disturbed,

Disturbed. The turb in disturbed means ‘turba,’ means rotate. You make a column of air by blowing ‘phew’ and that air column is the human representative of the Divine Phallus, it is air, it is ruach. It is the origin of hierarchy; it is the origin of discriminative spirit, the ability to make a reflexive act and say I will just demonstrate exactly what that histos means, that vertical beam. It is simply that column. You blow the column of air out and the air that was idling there is thrown into turbulation. It must twist around the column unless the air was not idling. Now that is tremendously important, if the air was idling, it cannot help rotating round the column when you blow it, but if the air there had already blown its own column, it could resist, could it not? If the air column coming out is spiralling out, which it does, like the water coming out of the tap when you turn the tap on, it does not come out straight, it twists. The faster it twists, the more torque, TORQUE, there is on it, the more resistance there is to interference by other rotating systems. What do we learn from this, a tremendously important thing, only if we are busy are we safe from being interfered with by other busybodies. The price of freedom is eternal vigilance is it not? We have to be busy, “I must be about my Father’s business,” says that Jewish gentleman, business. That implies self-encapsulation. The very word busy means encapsulated-power-issuance-affirmation. That funny little word busy, read it backwards again will you and what do you get? What do you get from busy, yes? You have actually got the word Jesus plus house, in busy, yesub. It actually means what it says., Now, that word Jesus only means this, it does not refer simply to a man that lived long time ago in Nazareth, it refers to any person; here’s a lot of them now in Spain called Jesus; any person who comprehends that the meaning of life is this, affirmation saves. Remember Spinoza, “Adequate knowledge equals activity, equals happiness; inadequate knowledge equals passivity, equals misery.” If you allow yourself to become passive and somebody else is not passive, they will turbulate your sentient power for you in the way that they determine. Like, say the Leninists in Russia did for people who thought they were going to enjoy commune and now they can have electric shock treatment every time they disagree with the government.

Track 8

A handful of beings who have known this truth from the beginning of human civilisation have controlled the human race by a little device, a very small device, this one (tongue). The Latin base lingua, the Sanskrit base, lingam, means phallus, it means this primordial driving power which ties people up. That lingua is a linker, it ties together ideas doesn’t it? Doesn’t the word tie an idea to another idea? If I say cat, don’t you tend to think of dog? Or, do you think of cat-o-nine-tails, a whip? It might be that you can make people think about a cat-o-nine-tails by mentioning a Chihuahua. If you make the poetic links between you can do it. So the peculiar thing is that vocabulary, the manipulation of the little lingua, is the determiner of your own thought. If you allow yourself to get a vocabulary at all and if you don’t break your vocabulary down to its basic elements, then you become a servant of the vocabulary, therefore you are required, if you like freedom, to comprehend the meaning of the terms you use to liberate yourself from the usage of other beings who actually fabricated that language. When the state of Israel was first formed, one of the earliest organisations in it, was an institute for language control, because if they control language, they control ideas; if they control ideas, they control emotions; if they control emotions they can control those movements which you erroneously call acts of will but which are not acts of will but only acts of conation, of reactive drive, until you get hold of your vocabulary, your idea, your own emotions.

Now we said at the beginning we are talking about this histolytic process, this process whereby a structure, an organic structure is loosened, and we are going to remind ourselves of our symbolic ladder. You could have a gross material protoplasmic loosening; as for instance, you could put under an X-ray machine too often, a person to be x-rayed for a disease and kill them with the x-rays. That would histolytic too. You would be loosening them up by bombarding them with the X-rays. That is one way, gross material dissolution. It happens of course when an organ changes its form in the evolution from egg into fully developed human being. But it also happens another way. You have an emotional finger, the bio-field finger, your ring finger. Little finger for gross material body; ring finger for the bio-field, like and dislike. Your likes and dislikes are also structured and unless you learn to change your like and dislikes, that is, go through this histolytic process you are bound by your likes and dislikes. Did you decide as a child what to like and what to dislike, or did your parents do it on you?

I saw, last year, a momma and a poppa with a baby crying bitterly at table because it didn’t like to eat meat, but it had to eat meat because momma and poppa eat mean and it is very, very good for them. The baby was crying, vomiting it out, spitting it on the plate and they were putting it back in the mouth and hitting the baby. It was developing what is called an “acquired taste.” I had the same trouble with mushrooms as a small boy, myself. Mushrooms and a cheese called Rochfort. Now, when a baby does not want something it really doesn’t want it because it is contrary to the baby’s structure, not its gross material structure, its mentational structure. There is something in that child that is inherently structured before it gets itself a gross body, which is the chemistry given to it by the mother eating while the child is in utero. The mother’s diet is influencing the child but the child may not like it.

Somebody may give me something out of the kindness of their heart, like a biscuit, which I don’t eat, made out of whale fat, and within ten seconds, it is on my cheek in the form of a red blob. Usually I put my finger on it and say, “Would you mind using the proper exit please,” and then it goes away. But the economic tendency is, if you eat something your internal structure thoroughly dislikes, you throw it out as a rash. You can get big rashes across your tum, here, and show them to people, you see, to keep them at bay you can do all kinds of things. If you don’t like somebody you can rash at them. When they rush at you, you can rash at them, you see. It cools their ardour.

Track 9

Now, if we accept this histolytic process must be undergone to change anything, to change your physical body, to change your emotional attitude, to change your serial mode of thinking, to change your governing concept in life, to change your will, your orientation of will within the Universe, to change your overlooking way the way you look from above on the whole system, all those changes involve anxiety at every level because you might be interfered with.

When as of a small boy, I was doing my dying exercises, my anticipatory deaths, at home, my mother always made me lock the bedroom door because I looked so awful that my little sisters used to cry and go rushing out and saying that something was wrong with me, and I was only practising dying. So, my mother insisted that I locked the bedroom door. I’ve got into the habit of doing that since, locking bedroom doors. It is the only safe way to avoid a predator rushing in and doing something to you like giving you artificial respiration when you are right in the middle of your best meditation. They can even stick needles in you, you know. You have a very large muscle here that nature provided for putting needles in to wake you up and bring you back to what is called social, normal behaviour. That means that you are ready to go back to work without increase of pay, without regard to the galloping rate of inflation and so on. If you do that, you are a good citizen.

Now, every level that you change, and you like to change whether you like it or not because there is an energy, namely the top energy of the universe, the symbol for that energy is in English the letter A, the alpha in Greek, the aleph in Hebrew; there is a universal power pushing to make to make individuals individuate whether they like it or not. And it does not care, in any way what they suffer, what they undergo, providing they individuate, and it does not care if it kills you in the process because gross material death is not very important anyway. What is really important is the original structure of the energy field, long before the low levels of protoplasm appear, the original structure of that energy field is individuated, which means that every one of us is, already an eternal monad, a being, a one being, a lord, ad of its own self, a monad, a one lord to itself. Everybody is a one lord to their own being in that structured field of energy the ruach, that aleph power, that capital A. And that throws a very heavy responsibility on us because the universal power is pushing us like mad to individuate, to become unique, to develop our talents against another force which is called Mammon, the force of this world, this gross world. You cannot serve God, equals free spirit and Mammon, equals material counting, because, if you are governed by Mammon, your aim is not change, it is not metamorphosis, it is not that histolytic breakdown and then the rebuilding of a new being it is that horrible thing, comfort at the gross material level. Those are two possibilities; free initiative’s exact opposite is gross material comfort.

You know what we are moving towards, in electronic science, we are moving towards a house, which as you drive up in your car, the car itself being electronically controlled, all you are required to do, is not touch it with your finger, no, too much energy for that, you look at it. You actually have on the steering wheel, a panel with buttons on, and you just look at the button, that says ‘home,’ and it selects it. Don’t think that is far away, it is not. It is very, very near, we have got all the technology to do it. It is only vested interests of silly old-fashioned petrol car people and things like that hold it back. We have the technical knowledge to do that now. And when you come home in this way, the car drives into the garage with an up and over door, like that, and what do think happens next? The car unfolds and a grab comes down very gently and picks you up and goes like this and sits you at the table you see, and if you remember Charlie Chaplin in the Modern Times, he had a feeding machine so that he didn’t need to stop work. Do you remember it? Well, you will be able to look at a sausage and mash and whatever, and it will come into you, vibrating, brrrrrrrrrr. You have only to open your mouth because there is a magnet under your chin fastened at birth, and it alternates, like this. You don’t need to do anything.

Would you like one of those Eric?

Not if I can help it.

I thought so.

Track 10

Now, consider, this is the ideal of gross material science that is being seriously worked upon today, by the best electronic engineers, and they are going to do it. You can’t stop them because, to every concept there is an opposite concept, and the opposite of eternal free initiative is perfect mechanism, and the same amount of energy that has to move you towards perfect freedom, must necessarily, logologically provide you with the temptation to make sure you don’t want it. Because, if you want a thing, you are not free. You can only do a free act if you do not want. An act of will is not a want, it is not a wish, it is not a desire, it is an initiative out of nothing. Imagine an initiative that comes out of no formal stimulus. It just wells up from of the centre. It is a new act, it is a new positing of a new emergent, something that was never there before and it has nothing whatever to do with gross material comfort, and it doesn't care about gross material comfort. “But then,” says gross material comfort, “I don’t care about you.”

Now, these are two sides of the same Cosmic Power. The same Cosmic Power is offering you freedom and tempting you disguised as the devil with eternal comfort. What a terrible opposition!

Now every time you go into one of these changes, you go into an anxiety state. Let us take just a few. When the sperm attacks the ovum, what guarantee is it that it will want to get there? Answer, millions of other sperms. I mean imagine one sperm released and an egg there with no shield around it, no thick mucus protective barrier, and the egg is saying, “This way please,” and opens the door. Can you imagine that sperm, no rivals? One sperm and a finger going, “This way dear.” Does it hurry up? No. All those sperms are there to make any one of them make its mind up to go. Rivalry is a device to trick the sperm into thinking, “My God, this must be important, look at all these fellows going there.” You know, once I nearly got swept into a football ground. Do you know? It was a mass of people. It took me and the car with them, there were so many of them. I was nearly carried into a football match. That would have been terrible for me. I went to a football match once, wilfully, to see what it was like. I was fourteen years of age and it was a November day and it was terribly cold and it was horrible. You couldn’t see the field for the fog and there was a poor fellow there with bronchitis selling chest tablets. I was sure they didn’t work, they weren’t doing him any good! So, at half time I left. I daren’t leave beforehand because they would have beaten me to pulp if I would have tried. This mass of sperms is there to make any single one of them deluded into thinking that because all of them were going there, it must be important. It is a canny device to make sure that impregnation occurs. Now that is an anxiety situation, and eventually it sits inside the egg and wonders what the devil it is doing there, and what do you do when you are in an egg? The answer is eat it isn’t it. So the sperm fellow starts eating up as fast as it can. I must have come here for something, there is nothing to do so I’ll eat. Do you notice that when you have got nothing to do you start eating don’t you? Trying to keep your figure down when you have nothing to do is really awful, because you have to do something and you tend to repeat the old story.

Now then you go through various changes embryonically and then you come to be born, that is a terrible thing. You have been in perfect comfort, curled up, everything laid on through the navel, no effort. Occasionally you give a kick like that to let Mummy know you are there, so that she does not sit in an uncomfortable position for you. I’m not joking. Babies actually think like this, you know. They think, “She has been on the right side too long for my comfort,” so they go boingk and she has to move. The price that women pay for allowing themselves to be impregnated is actually colossal. They wouldn’t do it if they could think, actually, so, God has provided them with a sort of insulator against thought! Anyhow, then it has got to get born, it has got to have a poor head, a great big head actually, even on a little girl there is a big head, have you noticed that? If you got the littlest girl in the room and measured its head its as big as the biggest head there is in the room, I mean give or take a thousandth of a centimetre! This head has got to be crushed to go out through a gate. How do you think it feels, from perfect comfort, to go out there, trailing this tube of oxygen and food supply? It doesn’t like it. But then there are some convulsions start, going mmmmmmm, Momma’s had enough of you, get out of it! I wish to go knackers about you, I want to show you off to my neighbours, and what a good child you are, how beautiful, how intelligent, how just like me. So, the poor thing gets kicked out. Now that is another metamorphosis, isn’t it, from an end to you to a perfectly protected being, it is flung into the outer world and now has to get its first breath, urrrrrr! Oxygen burns you. It is horrible stuff, oxygen, until you get used to it. It has a really rough time in that birth process even if you do your best to relax and so on, it has still got the fact that it has to take its own breath.

Track 11

And that breath point is very important, because from the moment that it breathes its own breath, it has taken a tremendous jump into individuation on the first stage of a real separation from its mother. In utero it couldn’t think or feel differently from its mother, properly because of the bio-chemical substances synthesised by the mother and put into the child. It was not a true individual. It was trying to be, but the mother dominated it in utero. It is pushed out, takes its first breath and now it is on its own. That is tremendously dangerous. Being born is a dangerous time and yet you have to be born in order to be individuated. The Seed has got to fall to the ground and die, because the process of mitosis in the egg is a kind of death, and the sperm has to die a death in the egg so that the child may be born. And then the child grows up, progressively and it reaches another horrible stage, puberty. That is that same base pu, to have the power to cause an emergent. Something is going to happen, the puerilities, puberty, another time of anxiety. There is a strange force and the new chemistry being synthesised in that child and the child may feel so awful that it may turn back to the parents for protection, turn back to daddy if it is a little girl, “Don’t let me grow up, you be my daddy for ever,” or if it is a little boy, go to Mummy and say, “You will be my mummy for ever won’t you,” and mummy will say, probably, “Yes dear.” She might not be thinking about what she is saying, but it is highly probable, through ancestral inertia, she will say it. Puberty is a tremendously dangerous time.

Do you know what dementia praecox is? Schizophrenia that comes to you when you pass through puberty. It is when you have to stop being a dependent being. You have already had your first go when you have taken your first breath and now you have got to leave your mother and father and you have got to go out and become a mother and father, or both, or neither, by your own efforts. You have got to try to establish a life of your own, a family of your own on your own territory, and this is a tremendously damaging thing. Very dangerous, and again, you have to go to sleep to do it. Your chemistry goes to sleep. You are probably becoming spotty because of the chemical changes that occur at that time. I’ve seen a lot of kiddies at that stage, covered all over in horrible spots, unable to get a boy or girl because of it, crying out, even being suicidal covered in spots, because no boy would kiss such spotty faces. It is all the chemistry of change, a condition of anxiety necessarily there. And then they get through that, and they grow up a bit more and they get married, and they start growing up and they come to another thing, which is even worse, even worse than being born and that is the first shadow of death.

The menopause in women, and the womanopause in men, which occurs, it actually occurs when the waitress in the restaurant says, “What do you want today, granddad?” It is true. There are two very well-known fellows that I know, both very well known in the field of art. They rang me up one day and they were both crying on the phone and I thought they were both drunk. They said, “We are not drunk, we are not drunk, we have both had the same nightmare,” and I had to go to town to see them. And I went there and they were both sitting there, trying to drink coffee and they couldn’t. They had both dreamed the same dream. They had both dreamed, that same night that they were impotent. This was the end! And, horror of horrors, the waitress had said, “Well granddad, what would you like today?” My only way of curing them, at that time, was to send one back to his wife, because she didn’t dislike him that much and the other was, to give a girl to the poor other fellow who couldn’t get his own. So I said to a particular girl who was at a loose end, and looking for a husband “How would you like to do this job? Here is a fellow who has had a dream he is impotent, would you like to test him out and see if you agree with this prognosis or not?” And she was very, very glad and jumped on the job and she saved his life, for about three years! Then he dropped dead!

Track 12

Now this menopausal thing in women is tremendously horrible and what we have to remember is this, this metamorphosis must occur throughout life. You have another one when you die. I mean. When you have gone through the menopause you don’t care if you do die, usually. I know, didn’t! It seems, at that point, life is meaningless. What do you do next, wait for the grave? Now with each change, with each metamorphosis that you make in life, you have to have a re-orientation, and you can only get that re­-orientation by very, very careful, setting before you go to sleep, a real question, “What is my next direction? What is my next orientation? I must know where I am going, what am I going to do? Am I going to go negative on my life and say I can’t breed any more children therefore I am useless, give me a stone and beat my brains out, I am finished, or, am I going to say, what was all that rubbish malarkey about, getting married and having children and bringing them up to say rude words to me when they have come back from Oxford, and things like that? I’ve been deluded. I’ve been used by the moon to populate the earth to make more bodies for more experiences for that Aleph-Pusher Fella, who is busy individuating, and he can’t individuate without bodies and I was so dumb, I didn’t know that at the time, so I made some for Him in my innocence, because, He, canny fellow, had made it enjoyable to make them. I’ve been trapped with my likes and dislikes. I now have to change my likes and dislikes. I need a new set of likes and dislikes and I need those at the menopause.” Men get it slightly later, statistically, perhaps, ten years later, but they get it, and they very, very often become deeply depressed when they think that the sexual energies in them, which they fondly imagine were their own and were not, have gone away and left them meaninglessly there with no possibility of seducing anybody or fathering things, no go, no positivity and a terrible consciousness of a generation gap. The generation gap means that the girls actually don’t think about you any more, they have given you up! Oh diddums!

Now the only way to get through any one of these crisis periods is by conscious deliberate re-orientation. This is why, my friend, Fred Freeman, has been working for some years, on an idea to get rid of this silly attitude of retiring from the world at a certain age and start a new life campaign. Instead of having a wait for death process, have a new creative life, and I don’t mean, playing bingo to while away the time. I mean actually to start creating in a totally new way. There are many, many creative talents that everybody has and they have not the faintest idea they have got them because they have been trapped into a biological-evolute necessity for the time being. But when they have seen through that, which they won’t see through until they have reached menopausal stage, when they have seen through it, instead of giving up and saying, “Oh my life is finished,” it is time to say, “Now my own personal, integrational work begins. Now I have to make myself really myself and not a mere servant of biology. I can still afford to wave kindly to my progeny, as they are working for me hard, digging in the gardens or working at business and giving me their profits, I’ll smile on them for that and let them carry on with their illusions. But, certainly, I must have a directive of my own.

Mr Halliday, may that be before that time? Why do we have to wait for that?

You don’t have to wait, it is just that you tend to wait. Now this is a very important thing, Marghanita has raised this point. Why do you have to wait? You don’t. But you know that it has been in the interests of government for six thousand years recorded history, to keep as many people as possible in the dark about the nature of initiative. That word king and Cain, the murderer of Abel, are two sides of one coin. Now you have all been taught, those of you who have any Semitic or Christian background that Cain murdered Abel, therefore Cain was a bad boy, haven’t you? Isn’t that so? Any Christians in the audience? Or any Jews in the audience? Were you taught that Cain murdered Abel? Did you think that was a bad thing or a good thing? Weren’t you taught that was a bad thing? Very interesting, yet the word ‘Cain’ means, Intelligence of God. It gets rid of Abel right at the start for a very simple reason. Abel is Ab El. It means, ‘God is my Father.’ Abel knows too soon that he can rely on his Father.

Do you know what that is like? It means he won’t work. He will do an act of faith, won’t he? And it is too soon at the beginning of evolution to have that faith, isn’t it? Is it? Am I alone? Do I think we should have that faith at the beginning, and if so, why did the Creator put the Serpent in the Garden? Was he there for nothing, or decoration, or temptation, because Adam was free to make his own mind up? Such as it was, a non-experienced innocent mind, he could have carried on, doing as he was told, but would he have individuated? Answer, no. He would have been merely the voice through which God spoke, merely the body which obeyed without question, God, and there would have been no opposition to God, only continuous obedience.

Track 13

Why did Adam, as Christ said, in disgrace, get thrown out of the Garden?

Well, his (Adams) body has been made of earth, dust of the ground, yes? Very, very fine, much finer than animal bodies but it has not resisted, has it? Up to the time that Eve misleads him, it has not resisted. Now supposing I blow this air column, but you, very cleverly, by your magic art, as I blow, remove all the air around it. What happens to the air column? It disperses.

It dissipates.

It dissipates, it loses individuation doesn’t it? So opposition is essential for individuation. You must have a back E M F, you must have a force generated by your own force, pushing back on you to force you into individuation, otherwise, you could be a very good boy absolutely, but you would not be an individuated good boy in the sense that we are talking about, would you?

It couldn’t really take part.

No, it wouldn’t be possible. And therefore this mysterious, so-called, fall of Lucifer, and this Fall of Adam, this giving in to the temptation is a necessary part of the evolutionary process whereby individuation appears in the universe. And that individuation is a weapon against Infinite lazing.

What we call eternal bliss is only lazing, and in that, is total dissipation, and therefore, that same energy, which is itself, that dissipating energy gathered itself together and made Universe. It made one big turn, a Cosmos, and it made that big turn as a self-encapsulation to provide itself with a wall which, when the energy was initiated from the centre, would go out and beat on the wall and come back and hit the centre and make individuation. Without the letter B, the second letter of the alphabet, which means a house, a dwelling, an encapsulation, there could be no containing of that energy, there could be no reflection from the walls of the container, back onto the centre, there could be no individuation.

Hence Abba.

Hence A B equals Father, yes and B A, same thing, saying Abba, is like saying daddy. Back to you Dad. And then, the third letter is the hard gimmel, compaction. Once you have encapsulated yourself in a vague idea, “I think I must be an individual,” vaguely, the next thing is to apply yourself as hard as you can, in the physical world with full consciousness upon that fact, without waiting. We don’t need wait actually, absolutely, before we enter the physical universe, we didn’t really need to enter it, if we had had the reflexive power to turn the energy back on itself without coming into this universe. But do you know what would have happened then Trevor? Each energy that did that, would have made itself into a universe. If it reflected its own energy back onto itself it would make a universe and that is why the astronomers have to talk about universes, plural, because this process doesn’t just happen in one place, it happens in an infinity of times in an infinity of places, all by self-precipitation.

So there is this tremendous will to individuate and it is saying you don’t need to wait for me to do it, you can do it. If, capital I capital F, if you have got the energy, and you need energy to do it, even if you have got it out of fried tomatoes, it does not matter where you get it from; if you have got the energy to make a reflexive act and say, thus far have I come, and now I know that I have been forced to individuate by an unconquerable power. I cannot defeat the Infinite in its intent to individuate me. I can make myself miserable by trying not to be individual, trying to be a member of the mob, a member of the crowd, a member of society, a member of this, that and the other, comfy-loving, diners clubbery, group.

But, whatever you do, that universal energy is forcing you more and more and more, to individuate, and when you know that, you conquer time. You say, “O.K., I’m an individual, the Infinite is determining me to be an individual, I’m going to stop kicking against it.” So, I might have to say, to my companions everywhere, “Sorry, I’m busy individuating at the moment,” and they will say what a rotten type you are, you haven’t had a double whisky for weeks and they will not invite you to their next barbecue. And then you have to face that everything costs something. That if you once say, like Marghanita “Why wait?” There she is, she is a married woman. You have not divorced her have you Gerhardt? Not yet, no. And you won’t do that will you? At least if you are doing let me know when will you? She is a conscious creature, you have only got to look at her shape to know that she is a natural individuator and it is because of that mysterious fact that she tied herself to another natural individuator, Gerhardt, so the two of them could do this (knock, knock, knock) to increase their individuation. Actually they don’t spend…. You don’t mind if I tell your life story very shortly, do you? They don’t spend most of their time wheedling each other into comfort do you, no? And if they did it would be very bad for their individuality, so that is no excuse for your behaviour tonight when you go home, is it?

Track 14

You see, the spirit, which is conscious energy, is very quick. You can chalk one up and then hit her tonight when you get home and say you were merely obeying my individuation orientation exercise, couldn’t you? You have my full permission, if he does that, to say, I will strike my response immediately. You don’t have to wait, Marghanita, for anything. The tendency, because you have been trained on a scheme laid down by priests and scientists, long ago, the tendency to be a slave, slave means the one who does the washing up, actually, that lave in slave, remember you start with feet and work your way up, like Jesus with Peter. Socrates said it very simply when he said, “If we had not got hewers of wood and drawers of water, we would not have time to think about philosophy.” So therefore, this handful of bright sparks, this Cainish intelligences said, “Let us teach, let us devise an educational system that will make virtue out of slavery, for everyone except us.”

Now they have done it for six thousand years in a published form. True they have put it symbolically and in myth, but they have done it and it is there, in mythology. Mythology is nothing but science disguised with a total way of living, illustrated in myths of heroes and dragons and so on. When you hear that word dragons, you think as a small boy. It is made of two words, dra and gon which means, a discriminating being. It doesn’t mean anything else. A dragon is a discriminating being, and the obvious thing to do, is frighten people, who might start to be discriminating, by telling the other people they are dragons, without giving them a definition. They are dragons. Kill dragons. All dragons have to be killed you know. It is a rule. Dragon-killing is a rule. Who said that? St George, Greek for earth-digger.

When we look seriously at our own lives, do we not have to confess, that from the moment that we were extruded, ignoring the inter­-utero education, the moment we were extruded from the mother we were hammered into shape by parents and educators of all kinds, and the whole movement of ourself towards our unique individuation potential was effectively destroyed? Now destroyed means, ‘two laws’, des, troy. Troy means affirmation of the law. Destroy means they give you another idea, other than true idea, and that confuses you. You know perfectly well, that you are supposed, by your own inherency, to develop whatever talent you have got to the most fantastic extent of performance. You know that you are supposed to do it. You can feel it inside yourself, but your education says that is very naughty of you and very selfish and anti-social and you must not do it. In any case it increases the spread of syphilis and gonorrhoea and things like that, so don’t do it. That is true, that loose behaviour can result in various kinds of discomfort, - to the unintelligent. But, you don’t have to be unintelligent, because, in fact, your intelligence is a locus of the Infinite Intelligence called God.

Track 15

Now, we see, shortly, what we are talking about. Caterpillars into butterflies. The caterpillar, a larval stage, pure appetite, think of yourself as an appetite with an infinity of possibilities of food and an infinity of possibilities of enjoyment and of indigestion. These are the facts, because, whatever you eat is energy, the energy is structured and when you take a meal, the energy might eat you and then you call that indigestion. There is a real fight between your being and the ingested being. They are both energies. And yet, you have to do this. You have to take in this energy. You are driven to do so by a primordial appetite which makes you in a larval stage; and then, when you have eaten enough at the gross level, (you know when you have eaten enough because you feel tight round here (the belt). At the mental level, when you start taking in ideas, you reach a certain saturation level in which your mind won’t take any more ideas in it, so then, you are ready for a mental sleep and you become a pupa. The word as latin means ‘a girl, a doll a puppet,’ but it is from a base meaning power is emerging from it in a new form. You put yourself, when you have eaten your mental food, your concepts, your ideas, then you take all these and you put yourself to sleep, and you know that these ideas, because they are energies, they must attain an equilibrium of their own. They can’t help it because energies fight. Hobbartian psychology is possibly one of the simplest explanations of that in the last century. The ideas, the concepts that you have imbibed, fights inside you, and your best condition for that fight is to be asleep.

You are then wrapped in a golden cover, a sheath, a chrysalis. Gold, because it is your will. It is your will to change in sleep that determines it. When you go to bed at night, tell yourself, “I’m going to sleep to change my mind.” Don’t omit to say that. The last thing you say, the last subject in your mind before you go to sleep determines the general orientation of your sleeping research. So you say to yourself, deliberately, “I am going to sleep to change. I am going to become another being in the morning.” Say it; know that it is true because it is, and then commit yourself into that state. You are a pupil, same root, pupa, a student, a learner. You have taken in your ideas. Only in sleep, when you have suspended the ideas of your waking state, only in that sleep can you re-orientate the real ideas that you have absorbed and put them into your pattern that you did not have before and guarantee that in the morning you wake up a different person. I mean a different person, because the word ‘person,’ pi-ra son, through-sounder, means a new rationale. You will still recognise yourself, of course, because you have a memory, but you will remember that what you thought yesterday isn’t quite what you are thinking today. You have a new orientation, and then will you become the imago, that perfected being. And, every morning, when you wake up, you will be another perfected being than the perfected being you were the morning before.

And as you develop full confidence in this metamorphic process, as you are prepared to abandon yourself to this histolysis, you know that there is the ship’s mast there, the vertical beam of that Supreme Power that we call God that is saying, “While you are asleep, I, The God of gods, am modelling you in the way I will you to go towards individuation.” Remember, God is on your side when you individuate and the Devil is there to stop you and make you satisfied with mammon-like comforts.

Don’t omit to do that. Don’t think it is just a vague idea. It is a very powerful determinant. an orientation of consciousness, that when you go to bed at night, with supreme confidence, you know, for a fact, as soon as you think about it, that the one that wakes up in the morning is not the one that went to sleep last night because there has been a change, an orientation, the pattern is not as it was. The Per Son is new. There is a new through-sounder and every night that you go to sleep like that, your confidence increasing, you will have more work done for you by that Infinite Power than your empirical, external ego could ever do for you.

Does that decide what you are going to change your mind to do?

No that would be an ex… No, don’t do that. God knows where you go. The Infinite Field knows the direction of your orientation. Your empirical ego does not. So don’t you decide whether you are going to be a new Michelangelo, playing Chopin like Paganini.

Just you know that that beam is God and it is the axis of your being. It is running up and down your spinal cord, which is Jacob’s Ladder. Messages are ascending and descending like angels, up and down your spine. Your empirical ego does not determine them and cannot do so, but the moment you say to yourself, “I know in principle there must be that individuating power, because I’m a lazy fellow and I don’t individuate easily. Driven towards individuation. 0. K. I give in, individuate me, and you know where I am going?” The empirical ego does not. Then you can rest easily. Whereas, if you thought the empirical ego has to do it, the empirical ego would not go to sleep. It would try to retain control all night long and then it would not be asleep and it could not go through the metamorphosis.